Mario Parkour

Now, I’m a child of the 80s, and so grew up with Mario and Luigi as my friends. We’d usually get a new Mario game every Christmas and spent many hours bonding with my siblings. When you’re a kid, its easy to suspend disbelief but now that I’m older, I’ve got a few questions for the  bros, especially after watching this video made right in my backyard of Salt Lake City:

1. Just how can they jump so high? Is the gravity less in the Mushroom Kingdom (MK)?

2. In the MK, do they use the expression “when raccoons fly”?

3. Why doesn’t everyone else just munch on the magic mushrooms, leaves, and flowers? Why do Mario and Luigi have access to these powers while others don’t?

4. How do the Bros hold their breath for so long underwater? Is there like some super kelp they have to ingest?

5. Are bricks wimpier in the MK? Bashing your head against bricks around here will only give you a concussion. Maybe the Bros just have really strong hats.

6. What causes golden coins in the MK to randomly float and spin in the air?  Who stashed them in all the bricks, and how do they feel about the Bros raiding their bank accounts? Where does Mario keep all of said coins once he has snagged them?

7. How do 1-up mushrooms work? Are cats especially good at finding them to gain their extra lives?

8. Apparently Bowser has children. Who is Mrs.? Maybe she couldn’t stay with a man who stands over pits of lava on flimsy bridges with axes conveniently placed for his opponents to use against him.

These are just some of the lingering questions I’d like to ask the Bros. And apparently, since they are jumping off walls in Salt Lake City, maybe I’ll get the chance sometime.